APPROPRIATE DAYS TO VISIT BEREAVED FAMILY: BEFORE NOVEMBER 1 OR 2 Just like any other special occasion or celebration, sometimes the best way to visit is the day before the said "peak season." This is to avoid a crowded space and a possible ruckus while visiting. Mourners dress, eat, and behave austerely during the ten to thirty days after the death and before the shraddha ceremony. In this sect of Hinduism, there's no food or drink offered to the family for up to 10 days. (1995). It would surely be a meaningful and caring gesture. With this in mind, here are a few ideas for what to write in a. Neha Kakkar, Rohanpreet's honeymoon at Atlantis Dubai costs Rs 90,000 a night? But may his soul travel swiftly to the next destination. After the shraddha ceremony, the family usually returns to work after 1-3 weeks. All Rights Reserved. The rituals will reflect a time of service and mourning, showing the familys dedication to Hindu teachings, beliefs about death, and honoring the memory of the deceased. Traditional stereotypes have shifted in other, more suburban areas of India. The world of Emily Post etiquette advice is at your fingertips. It is specifically meant for those who are contemplating visiting a recently bereaved family. During the thirteen-day period of mourning following the death, the presence of friends and family helps create positive karma to help prepare the soul for its next incarnation. It is appropriate to visit the home of the family as an expression of comfort and support. to an Orthodox Hindu for their sibling, youll find that the atmosphere of condolences is much different. Decide upon the best way to get the word out to friends and relatives about the service. Comforting the Bereaved Family and friends will express condolences and comfort by attending the Vigil Service and the Funeral Mass if possible. Usually, Hindu funerals take place within a single day and sometimes, two days after the deaths time. Gifts of food and red flowers are not acceptable; white flowers are considered the appropriate mourning flower. Hindus believe that humans are in a continuous cycle of death and rebirth calledsamsara. There, husbands and wives increasingly share household roles as dual-earners. The person who made the comment might not have meant badly, but wrongful words and actions can cause a lot of hurt in these delicate situations. On behalf of this community, I would like to offer our heartfelt condolences and prayers to your entire family. I am sorry for your loss. You can also donate financially if you can. Recognizing and honoring this belief means that you grasp the idea of. Some people have the knack for amplifying or worsening the existing sorrow by dropping pessimistic remarks such as Ohshe was so young, she had her whole life ahead of her!, How sad it is for her children! When in doubt, silence is the best option. Visiting in person and/or attending one or more of the traditions and rituals the visitation, wake, or shiva, the funeral or memorial service, and the burial or final resting service can be appropriate and will be appreciated by the mourning family. Guests may attend the cremation, but if they do not want to, they may depart after the service. May Lord Krishna grant everlasting peace to her soul. The important thing is that you have received comfort from the many who have helped you. eCondolence.com, LLC | Copyright 2023. Please consider whitelisting us in your ad blocker so that we can continue to provide the content you have come here to enjoy. During this period, the immediate family follows all Hindu mourning rites. Another option is to ask a close relative or friend to write some notes on your behalf. A place to share knowledge and better understand the world. For some cultures, a soft hug is appropriate, while for others a gentle squeeze of the hand will do. It may work for a coworker or friend who has lost their spouse. You and your wife are well poised to take over your family. However, mourners should check with the family or the funeral director to find out what's appropriate for the funeral they are attending. There, husbands and wives increasingly share household roles as dual-earners. So, they can view the body when they enter the house and offers some brief words of condolence to the bereaved family. In Hinduism, there is no judgment day as there are in Christian belief systems. You could certainly send her a personal note expressing your condolences. Rather than ask Do you need anything it is better to be specific about what we can do for them. The family should be consulted about any jewellery and religious symbols that need to be left in place. Good behaviours while visiting the bereaved. eCondolence.com, LLC | Copyright 2023. Introduction to Hindu Funerals. If you are a close friend or relative: Call or text immediately, find a time to visit the bereaved at home, and continue to stay in touch on a daily basis. If your relationship to the bereaved or the person who died is more casual, it may be best to wait until the wake, funeral or memorialservice, or after the funeral to reach out. Thats because they are considered to be impure spiritually during the mourning period. Some people in India may denounce being Hindu, but their lifestyle may suggest that they still live like a traditional Hindu. Hindu funerals usually take place within 24 hours of death. Chances are youll know this about your friends familial history enough to gauge an appropriate message based on his upbringing. It's up to you. Check with another neighbor or look in your local newspaper for an obituary or death notice. The flowers are placed at the feet of the deceased. Once Nirvana is attained, the reincarnation cycle ends. Finding the proper way to express condolences can be difficult. A Hindu death ritual comprises of three parts: A funeral/wake at the family's place. Why its so easy for Modi to appropriate icons hes opposed to Can you give an appropriate caption for this? When it comes to jewelry, they should not wear anything flashy and keep it light. 10 () . At a funeral, either the casket is carried by professionals provided by the funeral home, in which case the honorary pallbearers follow, two by two, or they flank the casket, as it is wheeled down the aisle. In Gujarati families, there is a belief that the departed soul rests on the rooftop of the house observing everything for the next 13 days. advice. This period usually lasts for 10 days. There will be things to be done at the home, such as taking care of guests or handling phone calls. Need Immediate Service? Not visiting other family or friends, though the relatives may visit the bereaved. Consider it an honor to help your friend during this painful time. Sit down at your desk as soon as you hear of the death and let your thoughts be with your coworker as you write to her. Those who are close to the family may volunteer to do such tasks. Read digital editions of Vanitha, Weekly and more Last Updated Wednesday November 25 2020 03:54 PM IST. Food will be served following the ceremony. is the best and appropriate choice. What rituals take place before someone dies? Since it is such a singular honor, one shouldn't refuse an invitation to be a pallbearer except for illness or absence from the location in which the funeral is being held. For many people it can be a great comfort to know that friends are thinking of them in such a difficult time. Where would it be held? Before making your decision, take time to consider the family's request. This may include feelings of shock, sadness, and even guilt. If you are a friend of a friend: Send an email or handwritten note at your convenience. The fees for the advice of an attorney should not be compared to the fees of do-it-yourself online Responding to a Clients Note of Appreciation, Addressing a Former President of the United States, Complete Guide to Writing Thank You Notes, Attire Guide: Dress Codes from Casual to White Tie, Five Tips for Looking Crisp and Keeping Cool in the Workplace, How to Help When Someone is in the Hospital, Definition of Etiquette - Consideration, Respect and Honesty, Wedding Etiquette 101: Everything You Need to Know. She'll let you know, when you ask, whether or not she wants to see you and or needs anything. Hare Krishna. Common blunders while visiting the bereaved: 1. Offer specific assistance: "I'm going to the grocery. There is no official time frame for writing notes of appreciation to those who have extended their condolences and kindness to you. Now you can focus on leaving a legacy instead of a mess. 15. Keep your friend informed and get her feedback. Such words are of little use to someone who has just lost a loved one. Here are some thoughts and guidelines when considering a personal visit at the funeral home: Upon arrival, go to the family and express a simple condolence. At Hindu funerals, mourners should not wear anything black. However, they include prayers, rice balls and flowers are arranged around the body, a lamp is kept near the bodys head, food is offered, and water is sprinkled over the body. A photograph of the. 9. (n.d.). We often hear people say things like Dont be sad, Dont cry, It is all for good, I know how you feel, He is in a better place now in an attempt to provide comfort. Think of some light, special stories about your friend. May God bring speed to your childs soul. A common blunder by well-meaning visitors is to try and compare with their own limited experiences. Weapons do not cut this Spirit, fire does not burn it, water does not make it wet, and the wind does not make it dry. The closer your relationship to the bereaved or the person who died, the sooner you'll want to reach out. If the bereaved person would rather speak to someone they dont know or needs additional support, specialist bereavement support services (see below) are available. It may not display this or other websites correctly. They can wear open-toe shoes. Drop her a note periodically, or even an e-mail, to let her know you're thinking of her. Traditionally, Hindus like to have the ashes spread on the Ganges Rivers waters in India. And unlike a phone call or a personal visit, e-mail doesn't require an immediate response from the recipient. A compassionate gesture is often all thats needed while visiting the acutely bereaved. It is specifically meant for those who are contemplating visiting a recently bereaved family. Certain rituals occur in the final moments, including: What should health and care professionals bear in mind? Today, many take their ashes to a nearby place to their home. Though the above list is handy, we need to be extraordinarily perceptive and must have the ability to adapt according to the mood and vibe prevailing in each instance. Brief words like I am sorry for your loss or You are in our thoughts and prayers are both meaningful and comforting. Who else would she like to have involved as eulogists, readers or ushers? During subsequent visits, suggestions can be offered, but only when sought by the family. This link will open in a new window. It is customary to make a brief visit and spend a few moments in private prayer and then to visit with the family members. For instance, the death of a teenager is perceived differently from that of a 90-year-old. To upgrade your account, please visit the account upgrades page. Hindu death rituals involve chanting of certain mantras, which are written especially to be chanted at funerals. Some illnesses are so severe that the body would succumb despite doctors doing their best. It is worth knowing that they are not always expecting a reply from uswe just need to listen. It is appropriate to visit the home of the family as anexpression of comfort and support. 5. The Spirit cannot be cut, burned, wet, or dried. Everyone in this community respected your father. Funerals are emotionally complex, and knowing how to act can present a Its a difficult time, emotions are raw and theres a lot to organize. Thanks. Organ donation is accepted and encouraged in the Hindu faith and should be discussed with the family when appropriate. The more eulogies that are to be delivered, the shorter yours should beno less than two minutes, but no longer than eight to ten. Your sister was an honorable woman who sacrificed much for her family. Blaming the family for not doing enough. It's worth noting that some communities and faiths have an open casket at the visitation and at the funeral service. Specific rituals depend on the patients affiliation to a particular Hindu tradition. Give items to use or display in the home in remembrance of the loved one. Viewing the body is not mandatory, but is usually considered respectful if the casket is open and displayed near the family. Traditional stereotypes have shifted in other, more suburban areas of India. However, they can participate in the chanting of mantras taking place thereafter. The body of the deceased should be released as quickly as possible to enable the family to prepare for the funeral. Those who are emotionally close to the bereaved person may quietly ask How are you and give them a chance to express their feelings. It's fine to ask others to share their memories and weave them into your eulogy. A mourner may return to a normal work and social schedule after this ceremony. This can occur when friends or colleagues show up and we forget for a moment that it is a solemn occasion. Are you afraid of Sivasankar, court asks Customs; allows five-day custody, Chennai roads inundated as cyclone Nivar triggers intermittent rain, These Kashmiri families are eager to vote in Kerala local body polls, Wanted! Whether you are going to a Hindu funeral or just want to send condolences to an acquaintance, we've provided 15 thoughtful examples as a place to start. New threads and replies may not be made here. One must specifically avoid words that trivialise the event, some hilarious examples being: I cant believe he is deadhe looks like he might just get up any minute! There is a gathering of family and friends who are grieving. Although Hindus take solace in their belief in reincarnation and liberation, they still experience grief. Hare Krishna. Friends and relatives may visit to offer condolences and participate in Hindu prayer and scriptural readings to provide solace to the bereaved. Cake offers its users do-it-yourself online forms to complete their own wills and Close friends who are invited to attend will receive a personal invitation to the event. It is believed that free expression will keep the body healthy, instead of bound by mourning and unresolved anger. I understand that not only did your friend mean a great deal to you, but also that Keyur was well-loved by his family and community. Letting the bereaved know that you are thinking of him or her and that you care can mean a lot. Today we offer a wide range of books, online resources, training programs for all ages and topics, a weekly podcast and a selection of greeting cards and paper products. After that, the body has to be cremated. All rights reserved. It is appropriate to visit the bereaved before the shraddha ceremony and attend the service. I will be attending the funeral of a Hindu colleague. He would tell you that mourning only keeps you from fulfilling your role as head of this family. Here's a list of simple and concise condolence messages that can be sent to a person in grief. Relate stories that show your friend in a positive light, and handle any humor with care. It is not uncommon to hear one person pass a negative remark about the deceased persons character, soon to be joined by other likeminded people who fuel the conversation into a full-fledged debate. Incidentally, it is perfectly acceptable not to cry, as each person processes grief differently. Avoid the eating of certain foods, like sweets. As a general rule, the closer your relationship to the bereaved, the sooner you should contact him or her. After you hear about someones death, it is pretty customary to visit the deceased family at their place immediately for offering your sympathy. Friends may call or visit family members of the deceased to offer their condolences upon hearing of the death and may bring flowers to them at that time. Find out what to do and discover resources to help you cope. Copyright 2018 Manoramaonline. Ask the person who will be officiating at the service for any tips on preparing and delivering a eulogy. You are using an out of date browser. During times of grief, everyone wants to say or do the right thing, the loving thing, the appropriate thing, but it isn't always clear what that is. However, this is not a religious requirement and entering the temple during the mourning period is not forbidden. When someone experiences the loss of a loved one, visiting the bereaved in person is a thoughtful way to convey the deepest sympathy and offer support. Organ donation is accepted and encouraged in the Hindu faith and should be discussed with the family when appropriate. Few people are comfortable visiting a home where death has just occurred. Available to ship anywhere in the U.S. After the cremation service, the family will return home and perform Hindu death rituals such as ceremonial bathing. The bereaved family usually stays home from work for one week following a death. It is important to identify a persons religious inclinations at the start of their care and to find out what they need when approaching the end of life. It would be helpful if someone clarifies regarding the appropriate days to visit the members of bereaved family. If a family member has persistent trouble sleeping, help must be summoned. If you knew him, some kind words about himperhaps an anecdotewould mean a lot. The family may return to work following the thirteen-day period of mourning. If you do, it may cause an annoyance as the family or funeral director will have to . The Bhagavad Gita says that the bodys destiny is to die. Certain Hindus may choose to remain at home during the mourning period and not visit the temple. The funeral ceremony is conducted at the place of the cremation. A Hindu priest will be invited to visit and to purify the house with incense, prayers and mantra. This link will open in a new window. Recognizing and honoring this belief means that you grasp the idea of Brahman or the universal soul. You have a great responsibility now. During this time, because the family of the deceased is considered impure, they are bound by several rules of behavior. Honorary pallbearers are chosen from among the deceased's closest friends and/or business associates. At a Hindu funeral, the deceased body is kept in an open casket. Generally, only people who are particularly invited to the shraddha ceremony will attend. Unfortunately, blaming the healthcare establishment is a convenient way to vent the inevitable anger and grief. However, mourners can check with the funeral director or family for finding out whats appropriate for that particular funeral. The ashes are usually scattered in a local river or the sea or maybe taken to India to be scattered in any one of the holy rivers, such as the Ganga. Serve his or her favorite foods. A Hindu death ritual comprises of three parts: So, the actual funeral takes place at the deceaseds home, although actual events can be considered a wake according to western standards because of its short span. Hare Krishna. Notes of condolence should be acknowledged with a handwritten note. Through cremation, the five basic elements, known as thepanchbhut, are returned to the universe, signifying the maintenance of cosmic equilibrium. Harper San Francisco. Its important not to confuse peace and speed here, as. The Hindu religion believes that when a person dies, his soul goes into another body. However, often, a Hindu priest is asked to perform theantyeshti(funeral rites). Everyone has to wear white, including the family members and guests. Post Funeral. In either case, develop a list of questions that your friend will need to answer. As absurd as it might seem, in todays fast-paced world, there are instances of people placing wreaths on the wrong coffin, and even consoling strangers after mistaking them for immediate family. Das, S. (n.d.). It also conveys an understanding that while there is a cycle to life, there is only one reality. Likewise, the person who passes an ugly remark at a solemn family function might not even realise what he said or did was hurtful. As Narayanan explains, "Rituals give us a way of cathartically dealing with our grief. In all branches of Hinduism, family plays a key role in helping their loved one prepare for their death and rebirth. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding. Whats regionally accepted in Southern India, for example, may not be appropriate or even standard in the North. For a parent, sons and daughters are equally precious. Saraff, Anjula & Srivastava, Harish. India Today Web Desk, I. May he rest in peace. When one is in the cycle of rebirth, you would ask God to give momentum to the soul because the Hindu journey is ultimately to reach God. May God guide your sons soul to attain the right path. Often there will be some open visitation for an hour or so just prior to the funeral service. Traditionally, the Hindu mourning period ranges from 10 to 30 days. generalized educational content about wills. Amy Wolkenhauer, BA in English/Creative Writing, https://www.indiatoday.in/information/story/deepest-condolence-messages-very-helpful-in-grief-1657386-2020-03-19, Hindu death traditions, rituals & beliefs. Remember, the subject of your eulogy is the person's best qualities, not your feelings. It could even work over various social media platforms or a sympathy card. Some people are able to manage the delivery of a eulogy with aplomb; others can't even bear to think about doing so. And if you plan on visiting themyoull spend more time in silence rather than offering condolences. He leads the family and mourners in various Hindu funeral rituals. "Would you like to have lunch with me next Tuesday?" It is also important to listen keenlythat is, without looking at our watches in between, fidgeting with our fingers or letting our eyes wander. Friends may call or visit family members of the deceased to offer their condolences upon hearing of the death and may bring flowers to them at that time. Deciding to stop by at a funeral on the way to a wedding, therefore, can be suicidal. There may be a request to turn the patients bed so their head faces east or for the patient to be allowed to lie on the floor in the moments before death (so that they are close to mother earth and their soul can depart easily). Funeral Mass (Requiem) is performed in a Catholic church by a priest. It could be anything from a gift of fooda casserole, a fruit basket, or some brownies for the family and their visitorsto an offer to house out-of-town relatives or friends. As author Arvind Sharma would say, there are as many Hinduisms as there are Hindus. Just the same, this leniency does not give people a wash from tradition. E-mail shouldn't replace a handwritten condolence note, but it's a nice way to let your coworker that you're there for her. We are not attorneys and are not providing you with legal In her own time and way, she will start to venture forth more. In any context, bad manners are those that make other people uncomfortable. See if you would agree. Share a toast. The preta-karma serves to assist the soul of the deceased person moves to the new body in the reincarnation cycle. Have a shortened version ready in case you find yourself breaking down. JavaScript is disabled. Medical decision making is among the most complex tasks known to man; and not all decisions lead to a positive outcome, although taken in good faith. The length of the mourning period in Korea is largely dependent on the individual and is traditionally for 100 days. Explain that you don't feel you can do it, and be honest as to why. A kind friend never leaves our hearts; they will remain with us always. Can you tell me what exactly happened? Visitations are usually held one or two days prior to the funeral service during a fixed set of hours. Sacrifice is not uncommon for Hindus, even if internalized. Think through how you truly feel about it. Additionally, they are not to touch or go near the family shrine. Otherwise, if they show and express sorrow, guests will offer words to help them accept what has happened to move forward. The wake is usually reserved just for family members. We are very sorry for your loss. Find the right Emily Post book or greeting card for you. The family should be consulted about any jewellery and religious symbols that need to be left in place. While silence is perfectly acceptable, a few well-chosen, soft words of comfort can help ease the pain. I remember how she encouraged me to get good grades and once even offered me a ride home after school. Such decisions are often based upon the circumstances of the family and the level of their commitment to the traditions of Hinduism. You can see he wanted his family to live well for many generations. Wearing black or pale shades are just fine unless there are specific protocols in place. Loss is hard. His commitment to creating a better world was apparent in every project he started. Also, there may be a Hindu funeral ceremony called shraddha that usually takes place after 10 days from the death. Unlike some religions, youll also find that Hindus mourn for 13 days, which can also determine what you should and should not write.

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