And for that age range of teens into mid-twenties, its developmentally normal to not adult well in spaces/tasks/areas of endeavor where they cannot do so unsurveilled by childhood parental authority figures, but to abruptly adult extremely well and competently when freed from that surveillance. For an acquaintance, depends. And partly because, depending on exactly what one wants and what cost one is willing to pay, challenging the culture is how it gets changed. It generally meant that they had read somewhere on some really stupid website that you should try to get the girl you want to talk about herself, because girls like to talk about themselves. I always do this, too, especially if I get the vibe they want something from me other than just hanging (like baby/pet-sitting). This is how I feel too. Tell me more! Of course I would never do this it would be returning the aggression but its a real puzzle to me. Everyone knows most people mean it well, its small talk, etc but these things ARE not nice to be the receiver of. I personally feel really pressured by the question simply because it puts me in the position of having to say yes or no before I even know what Im saying yes or no to. I dont know why shes not a foreign diplomat with all the people she can bring together. I just had a talk with my DD about this- she will text me do we have plans Saturday I usually respond with Why? Obviously we have a different relationship than a friend to friend thing. I think its interesting how LW is talking about what seems to me to be a specific social paradigm/situation that a lot of the commentators do not share? It doesnt sound like a lot of fun to me, though. Try delaying your answer and then see if taking the pressure off yourself to answer the question or commit to stuff helps you feel less annoyed by this question. Can't complainI have tried, but no one listens. Source: Facebook. in a family meeting you decide that father empties the dishwasher, daughter cooks on weekdays, mother cooks on weekends or whatever) which also lets her develope that skills. I was usually planning board game evenings and role playing games and I only tried to ask people whom I knew to be interested in what I was planning. 3. Theres also nothing wrong with the sitting alone in the dark rocking back and forth, it just seemed a good description of the void my mother thinks no plans equals. Yes, this. Thats my favorite response! It almost feels like if they just sneak up on me with some super fun plans I might say yes more often. How to Respond to a WYD Text - Sweety High I wish people could just say I want to do (thing) do you want to do (thing) with me?, All I can tell ya is what I have been doing for years: And then if its something I dont want to do BUT its a person I dont want to discourage, I can say, That sounds like youll have fun! The other day I got into this conversation with a mum I have to say mum colleague rather than mum friend, because her kid is in the same class as my kids and we seem to hang out quite a lot but shes an extreme extrovert and I am really not, and I see more of her than I would really choose to if I had to seek her out. 300 Weekend Captions for Instagram to Salute All Working - getchip I used to get really annoyed with this question from my sister, specifically, for the reasons LW gives. So she says no. Here we're providing you with some better ways to respond to when your partner or girlfriend says, I hate you when you know they say it jokingly. "When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark." 2. Bye. Are you me? It sounds to me like an attempt to take away my ability to say no. Trying to build a house. Here are some days you can disappointedly shake your head at and postpone the event until some hazy future date when a Wednesday sees you free. You know the people youre interacting with and their likely motivations better than we do, of course. From the sound of it, this is a dynamic already in place where LW faces various sorts of family opprobrium if LW turns down the cousin, and this is what LW is reacting to. Many of your comments in this thread have, in fact. If they really are trying to manipulate you then Im afraid having just the right words wont fix it you will probably have to say no directly when they finally get to their request. Absolutely, this too. Funny Responses To What Are You Doing Actively waiting for my problems to go away. This is my reaction. People here may be disagreeing that it should be a normal social rule, but if you change your behavior to meet that, youll be wrong by other standards. Look who is talking. Im talking about the OMG, how can you feel that way?! Busy busy busy! How To Answer "What Do You Do For Fun?" (With Examples) Its okay if I dont want to share the details of what Im reading with coworkers. Answer accordingly. I will probably just need some time to unwind, perhaps to watch the Winter Olympics with my cat.. The cousin wanting a servant. Thanks! Your mother/father and I are going to X, would you like to come along?. Its not an actual request for information, its a greeting and acknowledgement of each others existence. I also used to use it a lot until a friend pointed out this problematic history, so paying her work forward. Since youre not busy, do you want to go to [event] with me? No, just running some errands. Also, the teachers here will not do your homework for you. You'll hear it regularly in speech, and people actually might think it sounds funny/wrong to say "Well.". What are you doing this weekend? Going back to work? People of just about any accent can turn up just about anywhere and be from there. But that was fun and consensual for both parties. Whereas a lot of us see the advantages, like the precision you noticed, to some form of rapid written communication that wasnt around decades ago. There is a normal-question-asking prosody, where the words get successively higher in pitch. My family are a bunch of hyper-social weirdos for whom my introvert-ness is very confusing. This is a whole lot easier to get if you see someone do it, but here goes: First of all, your manner while doing this will be constant big beaming smiles of absolute certainty, with big cheery extrovert gestures and rather loud but happy and beamingly-positive voice mannerisms. That way they know Im not just sitting around with nothing to do, so I havent just signed myself up for free babysitting or moving services. I myself often do not care what Im eating because FOOD, but even if I have zero preference as to the restaurant, I will engage in the decision making process in order to help the other person out, and also because it gets us to food that much faster. If its not something Im into, I feel pressure to say yes because she knows Im not busy. They also influence how OFTEN. Also, I dont expect that the LW is bothered by every person who casually asks this question; Im sure they can tell when someone is just making chit chat vs someone who is interested in spending time together. ? I had a boss once who sometimes wanted to know if I could work overtime on the weekend, but sometimes wanted to know if there was quirky events on that her daughter might be interested in. Skip the part where you say Ill have to check my calendar or even Im not surejust go ahead and ask them what they have in mind! Humor is one of the best ways to respond to being asked out, as long as it's well-received. I love this response: not sure what Ill be in the mood for. What sounds good on Wednesday is not always what I want to do on Saturday. I also like the advice to just tell people I interact with regularly that I dont like that question. I would actually be pretty weirded out by a friend who a) felt this was genuinely intrusive BUT b) also would not actually tell me they felt this was too intrusive. not? Make up a lease and sign it. One morning when we were together he asked, So what are your plans for tonight? I said, Oh I dont know. That question from certain people stresses me too! Maybe shorter comments go through immediately but longer ones need mod-approval? And when things are something that I consider a family obligation, I make it clear (I need you tocan you? I want to put a claim on your time for X, will that work? etc.) I get what are you doing this weekend? or just what are you doing? on a Saturday morning. That is a question I ask a lot, but its aim for me usually isnt to exepect that if they are not doing things they will be free for whatever I want. I feel like sometimes there is such a huge anti-parent bias among the commenters here. Interesting. They may want to squee about something exciting, or vent about something theyre dreading, but theyd feel rude unless they ask you first. Similar boundary setting but this is a different angle. Assholes. Culture or not, Im very sympathetic to people who have a hard time saying no, since that used to be me. As I stated above, it can even affect quality of healthcare and employment opportunities. 12 Best Answers to "How's Your Day Going?" - Grammarhow k. Yes, I think theres a fairly clear difference between people who ask as small talk (for example, when youre both waiting for the microwave in the staffroom, or waiting at the bus stop after work) and when its done how LW specifies. 1. 1) Let the weekend memes begin! You absolutely can. Is it just me? Ive found that Why do you ask? comes across as a little cold or accusatory over text, but can be really warm/ friendly in person or over the phone. The asker might want the invitee to give some input on what theyd like to do, but thats not the same as expecting them to do all the planning. It gives you a window into each others lives and invites you to share something about yourself. I might not feel quite as entitled to her time, but Id probably still think there were some things I could ask of her that shed be wrong to refuse. But dont try to play us off against each other. I think the idea is that someone who thinks no is hard will get the direct request and start cancelling plans, because no one would actually directly ask for babysitting unless this was the most important event of their lives. I'm going to say this to my parents. Can we not use spaz/spazzy, please? 8. I can see how doing anything on thee weekend is small talk, but that would only count if the person is someone you are not on visiting terms with, like most of my colleagues. We went swimming in the lake and had a little bonfire." This is a good response to use when your weekend with family was more on the slow-paced side but was nonetheless enjoyable. Happy Weekend Wishes, Messages and Quotes - WishesMsg You can do that! And take LWs at their word, maybe? 1. Shell show up at your house again, or track you down partway to school. Thursday is good for me. For example, while my wife and I are paying with a credit card after having Saturday morning breakfast, and while the receipt is printing out, the cashier will say, So, you guys got any good plans for the weekend?. Her Kid: *rings doorbell* again my mum says shall we wait for you? And I think for online dating purposes Im going to assume #2 unless I get significant evidence otherwise. its differential equations, 2. Im trying to train her out of the habit. If one of us is dropping the ball about getting back to you, say so. So, I have learned its a lot easier if I answer I might be working that weekend (which has the benefit of being true, I do work most weekends) and then find out what she wants to do and decide if I want to go. Well see you at other time, but not in the morning.. So, when they ask what youre doing this weekend and seem likely skip ahead to of course youre going to my potluck and bringing the thing I promised everyone youll bring without actually asking you and/or so you can babysit ALL WEEKEND LONG, be ok with letting them down. WHAT WILL YOU DO AT THE WEEKEND?? Simply say something you're obviously not doing. Funny Bumble Answers #3: Rebel Without A Cause This answer is funny because it paints a picture in the woman's mind of a rebel, even in his youth. ), (4) I just found a salamander, can I put it in your mouth?. I dont know. Eating. Every time you see Pushy Neighbor, you go into this mode. If youre female and you answer, and then he decides your time sounds like it should be at his disposal and asks for a date, and you dont want to go, now youre stuck in that ugly probabilistic space where various sorts of threats, anger, and violence may be coming at you. Let the customer know you empathize with them and use their name to personalize your communications. that sounds fun! (via Shutterstock) 7. If I say why and she responds with something easily done another time or only sort of appealing, Ill judge it against a nice evening of doing nothing and maybe pass. 15 Customer Service Email Response Samples for Any Situation Its okay that I usually watch movies/play videogames/read all weekend and those arent shameful hobbies. (If they didnt mean an invitation) I have less than zero interest in tutoring kids that have no interest in the subject. ME: Hi [Friend], Id like to plan a karaoke night with you, are you free [date] or [date]? You're not obligated to tell others your plans for the future, if you even have them. If the answer is miserable but I dont want to get into it right now, fine-thanks still works. "I'm not saying I hate you, what I'm saying is that you are literally. Oh, theyre going to the movies on Saturday? However, there are a lot of male people who use this approach on female people because they are trying to be coercive. / Is it OK for so-and-so to tag along? And asking someone what theyre doing is not the same as issuing an invitation. This one calls for what I call the Gladys response, because I saw it articulated by a woman named Gladys. If you want to push them to just say why they want to know, ask. (Say it like he or she is complimenting you even though he or she is not.) Paris color stylo eye shadow neon skirt Paris color riche le stylo eye shadow bronzed How much vitamin c does a clementine have Loreal paris color riche stylo smoky eye avant azure What to get a guy for valentine's day Paris stylo smoky eye shadow hollywood Why is friendship better than relationship Desculpa para sair mais cedo do trabalho View Each Day as an Opportunity, Not an Obligation, Everything That You Can't do Because You Have Kids. Its also tripping flags in your head, which is infinitely more important. 1. Hello, theres a related phenomenon of *cashiers who dont know you* asking the question. So setting a rent that I would for any other adult is simply not applicable. She looks so comfortable. He doesnt need to be that nosy about how you spend your time. And suddenly many things became clear. 79 Funny And Flirty Response To "I Hate You" Better Responses Them no problem, I hope things are going well for you. When exercising the advantages of a perceived difference in class or power, however, refraining from using or responding how are you? is an old patrician tactic designed to keep the interlocutor in her place. *Both of which are also used as shorthand for all the things you need to get done before you can do the thing you actually intend to do, which is often an accurate description of my evenings. You can be annoyed by a wide variety of people forever. In general, most people will expect a response like this when they . I think the reason is that telling people about fun things is potentially fairly personal. We do this so thoroughly that we then have to figure out how to re-train them so this doesnt put them at greater risk in the presence of predators, and we dont do that re-training thoroughly enough. And if its clearly just conversation, (and you want to participate further) offer up something else, I agree!! Whereas it might feel more awkward/imposing for her, and less for me, to just ask outright, Do you want to go to [event] on [this day]?. Me: Working. The only tricky part I have encountered so far is if you actually say you are busy doing [thing] and instead have planned to watch the Winter Olympics with your cat, perhaps do not write an update about that to Facebook. On the other hand, being around them makes my shoulders go up around my ears. (This one is so trite that it takes a few moments for the humor to sink in.) The thing about she is family, and I expect family to do X is: Who decides what is necessary, when is it necessary, and who needs to do it? Her dad would not agree with a move to force her to move out. Unless your friends are kind of jerks they wont interrogate you about your exact schedule. Me: Fine, thanks. Although you risk hearing all about the questioners plans. The most generic reply to a compliment is always going to be "thank you". 200 Best Sarcastic Quotes and Funny Sarcasm Sayings - Parade Thats already happenedshe made a big stink about her dad telling her that they were all going to do something to support me at a time when I was really upset (something that would have taken about an hour of her time). Of course, what you do will be just as big of a surprise for you as it will be for them. This is about the blandest, most banal small talk question I can think of.). Most dont mean to be manipulative, and if thats not their intention, Why, whats up? wont bother them in the slightest, nor will never finding out what you actually are doing next Thursday or what you did with that time if you turned them down. I didnt feel like talking to her much for several months. 2. Or they may feel social pressure to make conversation in the moment, and dont have any other topic at hand. Sometimes people respond in a very vague way (oh just some family stuff), which will tell me that its private or they just dont want to discuss it with me and Ill drop it and switch topics. They need to stop it. Clearly, I am not giving him the answer he wants, but I dont particularly want to keep having the conversation. I feel like something mundane like chores will get some pushback, or wont be seen as a task that takes up the whole day(s) off (if I do laundry Saturday, I can still go out Sunday! Then I can pin them down on what, and when, without having pre-committed myself to some favor they were hinting at sideways. While we're sure there are plenty more things people do for fun, these are some good hobbies to mention: Outdoors activities like rock climbing, hiking, cycling, etc. Instead of saying: "I had a cheeky wine in the garden" Say: "I partook in an al fresco wine tasting. Leisure time is notI give up my leisure time to hem her pants or help her move back from college or make her dinner. They have the right to call on us and expect us to come through. Nothing obviously inappropriate has happened, I dont think I need to talk to his supervisor (I dont want him fired, it would just be nice if hed back off on his own, but IDK if that will happen, or maybe he will transfer or change hours (I thought he had for a few months last year when I did not see him at all)). 3. If banal small talk that most people use is offensive to you, thats on you to tell people, I think. Youre right, adult people who feel safe and are treated well like adult people probably dont react like that. 1, It feels rude not to ask back. Its essentially part of, or an alternative to, hello. My workmates and I ask all the time stuff like what are you up to tonight/on the weekend? and its almost never a prelude to inviting them to something, its just small talk sharing our lives. I really thought that an invitation was going to come later. Getting up before 10:30 drinking some more beer and starting to work on my truck/dirt bike this should consume your whole Saturday until about 10:00 then you drink lots of beer and head out with your buds. Those of us who are white have a hard time grasping the sheer weirdness that tends to go into this stuff. Another interesting look at how varied cultural/regional norms and peoples own experiences can be. Im in my 20s and married, living away from home, but I feel like Im constantly playing tug-a-war with my parents and were fighting over boundaries. If I have no specific plans, she thinks my time is hers (but you said you were doing nothing! and she likes to be like cousin in example 3, re her children doing lots of stuff for her because thats what good kids are supposed to do (and if were not performing like good kids, then shes a bad mother ~guilt guilt~) and she doesnt like to ask directly* so it often comes across as manipulative or passive-aggressive). Published April 10, 2020 "How are you doing right now?" That's the question I've been defaulting to on the phone, over text, and over Zoom chats during this time of ballooning,. Or is there a better way to handle this? I've Tried, but No One Listens Hopefully Not as Good as I'll Ever Be If I Was Any Better, Vitamins Would Be Taking Me Okay. have a Canadian accent that some USians pick up, and I dont mind if people ask if Im Canadian). When she asks me what Im doing on a particular day, I just say Im not sure or I need to check my calendar until she tells me what she wants. Are you doing anything this Thursday night? whyyyy do you need to know? So I get your point, and thats definitely not what I was asking about. I dont spend a lot of time imagining what youre doing over the weekend. What are you up to on Saturday? has often been my go-to when dealing with someone (like my sister) that I *know* will feel pressured to accept whatever Im suggesting whether or not she wants to or has the time/energy for it. I like to use Oh, you know, just some of the usual weekend stuff. I completely agree, it is always best to begin with the intention: I need a babysitter, I am planning a board game evening, I would love to spend time with you and catch up. Given that the cousin is seeking babysitting, What are you doing on Thursday, followed by, Great, youre available to babysit for me! is an incredibly rude and pushy way to go about asking for that favor. Evenings and weekends may take us a little bit longer. Funny Response to How Are You There are many fun things we could say and people will think that you're smart and interesting! This is how I deal with it: I actually trained my mother out of this question by responding to every vague What are you doing on X? by saying Tell me what you really want to know. Fortunately, my mother is a reasonable person who understands boundaries, and mostly just laughed and said Good point, Z is going on and Id like to go and wanted company. She also totally gets my introversion and that sometimes I dont have anything going on but Id still rather not do Z is a perfectly valid answer. My white mom has a very unusual first name (I dont know of anyone with a name that is even similar, AND its spelled with a non-English character) and, 40 years after she moved to the US people still ask her where shes from. I agree with you based on what shes told me, it feels very othering, and she resents it. If you dont want to go, just say so. So I said, Dont do this. Like, say you pretend to take up crochet, and designate working on my crochet projects/gifts as your backup plan, and so when people you know are assholes about this ask you have the backup plan. So, since my unspoken fear in this situation is that Ill have revealed my availability for an activity I dont want to do and that Ill be too polite to outright say I dont want to go, I figured I might as well express it, even if jokingly. So mostly I just want the question to go away lol, but since, as the Captain said, thats not likely to happen any time soon, I thought Id try to learn some better ways to navigate it, and again, all of your responses have been extremely helpful! Now the only person allowed to see my personal calendar is my husband, who is completely uninterested. This one is a bit tricky for me. If people volunteer that theyre from somewhere far away whether they have a recognizable accent or not I might ask what made them choose this tiny place to move to. Basically the thing you wrote about duties like babysitting, expanded to fun events. 57 Killer Conversation Starters So You Can Talk to Anyone I know theyre just trying to be friendly but it gets exhausting that starting Wednesday I have to deal with so what are you up to this weekend and then AGAIN on Monday what did you do this weekend? (So I guess Tuesday is the only day safe from that question, ha. etc. I know whats best for me. If they continue after that, theyre super pushy and rude and Ill say as much. Im really only comfortable with this question in that context from very close friends who I can trust to react well to Thanks, but Im not really up for X. Otherwise, the question makes me feel that Im being manipulated into agreeing to something before I know what it is. Note that LW says when it comes to friend-peer interactions, its fine, other than reminding LW of the more problematic interactions. Or else, Id rather people not start a conversation unless they have something specific to say, unless its somebody like my sister who I know well enough to talk about nothing and enjoy it. The comment is sometimes a small talk, meant to affirm that we like seeing each other, and sometimes a prequel to an invitation. I had a two-day conversation with my cat about vacuums versus lint rollers. I recognize that the question can DEFINITELY be used to intentionally or unconsciously other people, Her problem with it seemed more about having to answer it ALL the time than any implied racism or xenophobia. Those non-negotiable things come up probably twice a month, at most. 3. you said you had no plans! you into babysitting or helping them with yardwork, they just want to ask you a fun, low-stakes question. "That is very thoughtful of you, it was a nice weekend.". Im sure to him thats bewildering, but to me its bewildering that for so long he simply refused to choose to behave with appropriate respect. Canned responses are pre-written messages that allow customer support agents to respond to customer issues at the drop of a hat. Ive never found it made any difference at all for invitations its not like I told them how much time each activity Im doing will require or what other boring chores I will also be doing. Should I keep doing what Im doing? If I have to treat her like a grownup, and not like my minor child that I can boss around, she can fucking treat ME like a grownup, and not like her mommy that she takes for granted..

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